Why Some Cops Suck. Hard.

Tonight i have two tales of woe
in the first, i verbally harassed a hooker that a policewoman had busted. the policewoman nailed me in the arm with a solid punch that splintered my upperarm into two.

then, while driving to IHOP the police pulled me over for approaching 75 on the lloyd, where the speed limit is apparently 50. But it was at night and there was no intersections or cars in sight in front or nearby me and I was in the fast lane so cars turning onto the Lloyd wouldn't get hit by me, yet the police pulled me over. Amy and alex and samantha were all racing at 80 mph or so but they didn't get pulled over. How retarded. Now i have a f'ing ticket and this sucks hard.

The Hoosier State

Dave Barry's latest article cites a study by the Morgan Quitno Press which erroneously ranks Florida 47th in the Smartest States study. It should be 50th argues Dave Barry.

Upon a little research, I found that that same Morgan Quitno Press study ranks Indiana 9th in education. Dave Barry's article has a simple, honest explanation.

But ''Morgan Quitno Press'' is way off base with its state intelligence rankings. The problem is that the ranking system is based on each state's public-education system -- class size, test scores, etc. This does NOT determine state intelligence. It only determines STUDENT intelligence, and there are certain states (you know who you are) where the first thing that the intelligent students say when they graduate is: ``I'm getting OUT of this armpit!''

PSAT

Did you know, that in accordance to "the standard usage of English," that this sentence is grammatically incorrect? On my freshman year PSAT (two years ago) I missed the following question on the writing section.

Which underlined portion has an error?

A robot acts in accordance to a given program; it cannot formulate its own goals or purposes. no error

How cheap is that???? Apparently in accordance MUST use the preposition "with" (i.e. in accordance with) in standard English. Why can't we just simply the English language? Removing the gender specific nouns and adjectives from French was a good step. Now let's take prepositions out of our language:

A robot acts accordance a given program; it cannot formulate its own goals or purposes.

Just kidding! I guess that wouldn't work too well. But studying for the PSAT writing section is an extremely tiring activity...

the joys of a debate sleepover

ibuprofen is my
friend
my bed now feels like
heaven
my back hurts

A funny picture from adam/pat:

New Permalink

I have a new permalink to HardBoiled.org, a Berkley-based newspaper covering news on Asian-Americans. Ok, you might not be Asian but it still makes for an interesting read.

poetry

In my love for AZN poetry, I found the following piece that appeals to all races. "To Nintendo" by Ishle Yi Park.

To Nintendo
by Ishle Yi Park

Before you, life was unbearable –
a flat screen and ping pong ball.
But oh, you sleek grey box,
you already wrapped present!

We sat in front of you, awed
as if you were the first red sunrise.

Burned a horseshoe
of permanent round circles into the rug
with our asses, a communion
of Afghani, Puerto Rican, Korean kids

trying to unpeel the secrets of a mustached
plumber who swallowed mushrooms,
zapped dumb-eyed turtles, warped
to other zones through green maintenance pipes.

We slept to your lullabies, the digitized
soundtrack of our childhood.

Outside, a world of mothers chastising
in accents thick as static. Blocks of white boys
bored and violent, ready to snap gum,
spit, snap us in half with splintered

Louisville Sluggers. Inside – Zelda
and goblins and magic wing-ed fairies.
Enemies you could throw a pot at,
stab twice, and they’d implode and disappear.

10 years later, we’re split
and scattered, half college drop outs,
Soju drunk, stumbling,
and I recall how we once fought

to keep alive, counting our hearts,
freezing time to gulp Coke, taking turns
saving each other, anything, anything!
To beat them at their game.

Back then, we never gave up,
never walked away –

if the light wouldn’t bling on,
we’d check the plug. Blow into the cartridge,
clean out the dust, bang that sucker on any flat surface –

give a small push, close the door, and pray.

Rox0r. Check out more of Ishle's poetry! Here!

Shaq Attaq

Yeah, I like to spell attack with a q, especially when the word before it ends in a q (Shaq, Iraq, etc.)

Anyhow, Yahoo Sports posted the following quote from NBA star Shaquille O'Neal that, from my mathematically based mind, really ticks me off.

This from Lakers C Shaquille O'Neal, when asked about the Nets acquiring C Dikembe Mutombo as an answer to him: "There is no answer to the Pythagorean theorem. Well, there is an answer, but by the time you figure it out, I got 40 points, 10 rebounds, and then we're planning for the parade."

Full Text

The answer to the Pythagorean Theorem is c^2. WHAT NOWW???

Unrest in Lil' Eville

On the Signature Monitor:

Today, on the way to the Fall Festival, I saw a sick, perverted sight after the Pigeon Creek Bridge...

Full Text

Drats

Israel beat the US to the punch! It is going to deploy a national missile defense!

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Israel is read to deploy a new missile shield to protect Tel Aviv and other major cities if they come under fire from Iraq's arsenal of Scud missiles, the New York Times reported in its Sunday editions.

Known as the Arrow, the system cost more than $2 billion and was partly financed by the United States, the paper reported. Israel has already deployed an operational missile defense at the heavily guarded Palmachim air force base south of Tel Aviv, it said.

"It would be the first time in history that an interceptor that was developed strictly to shoot down incoming missiles is used," an unnamed Pentagon official is cited as saying.

"The Patriot used in 1991 was designed to shoot down airplanes and modified to give it some kind of antimissile capability. But from the start, the Arrow was built to intercept ballistic missiles. The whole world will be watching to see what happens, and we will be watching," the Pentagon official added.